<html> <head> <title>Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39 (RPS, R)</title> <style type="text/css"> <!-- body { margin: 0; padding: 0; font-family: Palatino, Times, serif; color: #000; background-color: #fff; } a { text-decoration: underline; font-weight: bold; color: #339999; } #header a { color: #fff; text-decoration: underline; } #footer a { color: #fff; } #content a { font-weight: bold; } a:link { } a:visited { color: #669999; } a:active { color: #CC3333; } a:hover { color: #CC3333; } h1 { font-size: 1.4em; font-weight: 500; margin-top: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; font-color: #fff; } h2 { font-size: 1.6em; margin-top: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; } h3 { font-size: 1.3em; font-weight: 500; margin-top: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; font-color: #33999; } h4 { font-size: 1.3em; font-weight: bold; margin-top: 0em; margin-bottom: 0em; } h5 { font-size: 1.0em; margin-top: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.8em; } h6 { font-size: 0.8em; } img { border: 0; } ol, ul, li { } p { font-size: 1.0em; line-height: 1.0em; margin: 1.2em 1.0em 1.2em 1.0em; } li > p { margin-top: 0.2em; } pre { font-family: monospace; font-size: 1.0em; } strong, b { font-weight: 800; } small { font-size: 0.8em; line-height: 1.1em; } .ahem { display: none; } #footer { margin: 0em 0em; padding: 0.8em 0.8em; font-size: 0.8em; color: #fff; background-color: #666666; text-align: center; } #header { line-height: 1.0em; margin: 0em 0em; padding: 1.5em 1.5em 1.0em 1.5em; background: #666666; color: #fff; font-size: 1.0em; } #indexhead { padding: 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em 0.5em; background: #666666; text-align: center; } #story { line-height: 1.4em; font-size: 1.0em; } #content { padding 1.0em 0.0em 0.0em 1.0em; font-size: 0.95em; line-height: 1.25em } --> </style> <meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1" /> </head> <body> <div id="header"> <h1>Ways to Get Back at Stephen Fry by Alan Davies aged 39</h1> <br /> by Mayhap <br /> <small><a href="mailto:mayhap@livejournal.com">mayhap@livejournal.com</a></small> <br /> <br /> RPS. Alan Davies/Stephen Fry. R. 350 words. This is a work of fiction. It is not actually by Alan Davies. It does not purport to be fact. </div> <center> <table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="90%"> <tr> <td rowspan="2"> <br /> <br /> <div id="story"> <s>1. Know more things than he does</s> <br /> <br /> Rubbish. Never works. <br /> <br /> Fry has too much fucking time for knowing things. Quite possibly because he never gets laid. And what he doesn t know, he either makes it up, or gets the blokes that have got the headsets and Google to tell it to him. How is that fair? <br /> <br /> <br /> <s>2. Find his books in shops and put them wrong-side out.</s> <br /> <br /> You know, the girl might have at least waited until you were out of sight to put them right side out again. Really spoilt the triumph of the moment for you. <br /> <br /> <br /> <s>3. Tell everyone what a condescending bastard he is on national television</s> <br /> <br /> Good, but ultimately unsatisfying. <br /> <br /> Fry will just get round everyone next week with his pretend not to be a condescending bastard when you clearly are  act. He thinks he s so clever just because he knows everything. <br /> <br /> <br /> 4. Seduce him and then he ll <u>really</u> be sorry <br /> <br /> It turns out that once you get Fry full of good food and wine and get him safely back to your place, he stops saying things like Don t be absurd, or at least any more absurd than you can actually help being  and I m sure you can find a more suitable partner for your sudden forays into homosexuality  and starts saying things like Wherever did you learn to do that?  and Oh <i>fuck</i> yes . <br /> <br /> And once you have torn his waistcoat off and got and his trousers down around his ankles you start feeling quite a bit better about everything, and he starts saying Oh god, oh god , and you say It s about time you noticed  and Stephen laughs. And then stops laughing when you do that thing again. <br /> <br /> And afterwards he starts to stroke your hair like he s petting a dog or something and you would tick him off for it except that it s actually rather nice. <br /> <br /> But only if he does it after sex. <br /> <br /> </div> </font> </td> <td valign="top"> <img src="vine.gif"> </td> </tr> <tr> <td valign="bottom"> <p align="right"> <small> Return to <a href="index.html">Florilegium</a> <br /> <br /> Drop me an <a href="mailto:mayhap@livejournal.com">email</a> <br /> <br /> Visit my <a href="http://mayhap.livejournal.com">LiveJournal</a></small></p> </tr> </table> </div> <div id="footer"> <p align="center"> <br /> &copy 2005 Mayhap <br /> No copyright infringement is intended. <br /> </p> </div> </body> </html>